In a vibrant celebration of diverse love and community, Robin (they/them), Voltaire (they/them), and Valentina (she/her) exchanged vows in a unique throuple wedding hosted in Brooklyn. The trio, who met serendipitously on OkCupid, were the fortunate recipients of an annual free wedding giveaway organized by the non-profit Pride Grows in Brooklyn (PGIB). Their ceremony, held with just two months’ notice, unfolded in the verdant garden space of Carroll Hall, culminating in a shared reception alongside a second couple, Emilyn and Shellz. This event not only marked a significant personal milestone for the three individuals but also served as a powerful public affirmation of evolving relationship structures within the queer community.
The story of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina began in a distinctly modern fashion, with all three connecting on the popular dating app OkCupid. What initially blossomed as two separate courtships—Robin with Voltaire, and Robin with Valentina—organically converged into a single, cohesive relationship. This natural progression led them to explore their commitment further, culminating in their application for Pride Grows in Brooklyn’s annual wedding giveaway. Their success in winning this highly sought-after opportunity provided the framework for a deeply personal yet publicly celebrated union, solidifying their bond and introducing a new lexicon of endearment into their lives: "spouse," "esposita," "esposité," and, with a touch of wit, "love triangle."
Pride Grows in Brooklyn (PGIB) stands as a beacon for the LGBTQ+ community in New York City, dedicated to fostering inclusive spaces and celebrating queer love in all its forms. Their annual free wedding giveaway is a testament to this mission, offering deserving queer couples (and, as demonstrated this year, throuples) the chance to realize their wedding dreams without the often-prohibitive financial burden. New York City, with its rich history of LGBTQ+ activism and diverse population, provides a fertile ground for such initiatives, reflecting a broader societal shift towards greater acceptance and recognition of non-traditional relationships. The non-profit expertly orchestrated the event at Carroll Hall, a picturesque garden venue, demonstrating their commitment to creating beautiful and accessible celebrations for the community. The decision to host two separate ceremonies for the individual couples (or throuple) followed by a joint reception showcased a thoughtful approach to honoring distinct relationships while uniting guests in collective joy.
The compressed two-month timeline between winning the giveaway and the actual wedding presented a logistical challenge that Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina met with enthusiasm and a touch of realism. Robin candidly shared that even a "small taste" of vendor discussions was "PLENTY," underscoring the inherent complexities of wedding planning, regardless of the number of partners involved. PGIB’s pre-arranged network of vendors and their meticulous planning were instrumental in navigating this tight schedule, allowing the trio to focus on personal touches.
The attire for the day was a striking reflection of the couple’s individuality and the wedding’s "as ostentatious as comfortable" dress code. Voltaire, showcasing their personal craftsmanship, meticulously sewed their own trousers and adorned themselves with a breathtaking floral ring by Miriam Bloom Designs, complemented by a vibrant rainbow ribbon lei. Robin, with assistance from their sister, embarked on the ambitious task of hand-sewing their own suit. While the shirt heroically survived, Robin’s pants, a testament to passionate effort, "bit the dust" after the ceremony, necessitating a backup outfit for the reception—a humorous anecdote highlighting the unexpected turns of a wedding day. Both Robin and Voltaire wore fragrant leis, a tradition lovingly shared by Robin’s Hawaiian-raised best friend. Valentina exuded gothic elegance in a floor-length black lace gown with sheer draping sleeves, matching lace gloves, and dramatic eye makeup. Her bouquet, a striking arrangement of pale pink and white florals accented with assertive red stems, served as a bold punctuation mark to her ensemble. These sartorial choices collectively underscored the spirit of self-expression and celebration of identity that permeated the entire event.
The ceremony itself was a masterclass in intentionality and inclusivity. Guests were invited to sit in a loose circle rather than traditional rows, a deliberate choice that fostered a sense of community and ensured everyone could witness the intimate proceedings. This arrangement perfectly complemented the "as ostentatious as comfortable" dress code, which Robin explained was designed to empower guests to express themselves freely while ensuring their comfort, allowing Voltaire to fully realize their "Haute Halloween dreams." The officiant, Angel, embraced the celebratory spirit in a gender-bent formal look, a detail Robin noted as "really sweet," further emphasizing the inclusive atmosphere cultivated by the entire vendor team.
The processional was a poignant sequence of individual entrances, each imbued with personal significance. Robin was escorted by their sister, Voltaire by their mother, and Valentina by her sister and best friend. Robin’s attire—a pale lilac-silver satin top paired with wide-leg trousers, a flower crown woven into their short hair, and a cane—spoke of quiet elegance and personal strength. Voltaire made a dramatic statement with a sheer black lace veil, a substantial drape of cowrie shells layered over rainbow beaded strands, and a cream brocade suit, a powerful fusion of cultural homage and personal style.
A highlight of the ceremony was a reading by officiant Angel from "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions," a groundbreaking 1977 queer utopian fable by Larry Mitchell and illustrated by Ned Asta. This choice not only rooted the ceremony in a rich history of queer thought and community but also invoked a vision of alternative futures and radical love. Following this, the trio exchanged deeply personal vows. Robin’s vows captured the essence of their unique bonds: "You take me as I am and you challenge me to be a better person." To Voltaire, they articulated a shared journey of mutual care and creative collaboration: "I met you when neither of us could or wanted to act as though our brains are calm. I’ve had the honor of caring for you and caring for cats with you. We watch water flow. We repair and transform with our hands." To Valentina, Robin expressed gratitude for foundational support and a desire to build shared solace: "You changed my life by pointing your care at me, ensuring that I eat and that the house is clean. I want to build that solace with and for you." The ceremony concluded with a symbolic broom jump, a tradition of African diaspora cultures, brought by Voltaire’s mother, and tender nuzzles in lieu of traditional kisses, before the triad exited to the joyful strains of upbeat orchestral rock. In a thoughtful nod to contemporary health concerns, all guests and vendors underwent COVID testing on the morning of the wedding, ensuring a safe and carefree environment for the celebration.
The shared reception was a lively affair, expertly curated to blend the distinct tastes of both couples. DJ Mona received high praise from Robin for her "eclectic yet masterful mix," seamlessly weaving together deep cuts and crowd-pleasers that resonated with both pairs. The first dances were a showcase of individual expression: Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina danced to the energetic beat of "Freaks" by Haute and Freddy, while Emilyn and Shellz opted for a classic R&B ballad. Brief, heartfelt speeches by Voltaire and Emilyn conveyed gratitude to PGIB, the venue, and their cherished guests, officially opening the reception.
The culinary offerings were intentionally light, featuring an array of hors d’oeuvres, crudités, and vegetarian options, complemented by a well-stocked bar of wine and canned beer. Robin particularly recalled a delightful salmon bagel bite and an excellent cheese. However, the true showstopper of the dessert course was the unexpected appearance of four cakes. Beyond the two planned cakes—lemon with blackberry for Emilyn and Shellz, and chocolate with raspberry for the throuple—the generous cake vendor surprised everyone with two additional seven-layer cookie cakes, one iced in vibrant rainbow colors and the other in the hues of the trans flag. These impromptu additions served as a sweet and poignant symbol of affirmation and joyous inclusivity. Robin humorously noted their parents’ wisdom that wedding days are often the most fun and the least food consumed, a truism that held up as they finally sat down for a plate of vegetables and alcohol around 3 PM, a vast improvement, they conceded, from their parents’ wedding-day meal of pimento cheese sandwiches in a car trunk.
Beyond the festivities, the photographer, Bailey Q, played a pivotal role in documenting the day and even contributing to the pre-wedding calm. Known for her dynamic approach, Bailey Q not only expertly managed the tight schedule for group photos and captured stunning portraits in a nearby graffiti-laden alley but also led an hour of intermediate yoga for both couples during their venue walkthrough. Robin lauded this as a "lovely introduction to both her and the space," highlighting the thoughtful and holistic support provided by the vendor team.
The guest tables were adorned with interactive and meaningful elements, inviting guests to engage deeply with the couples’ stories and identities. Pride Grows in Brooklyn had meticulously crafted a custom crossword puzzle, printed on a rainbow gradient board, featuring clues that celebrated the couples’ origin stories and shared values. Answers like "OKCUPID," "TWENTYTWENTY," "TRIAD," "BROOKLYN," "COMMUNITY," and "PRIDEGROWS" offered a fun and insightful journey into their journey. Adjacent to the crossword, a collection of loose pronoun and pride pinback buttons were freely available, a subtle yet powerful gesture of inclusivity. A delicate bud vase holding a single calla lily and a stack of colored note cards clipped to a line for well-wishes completed the tableau.
Another table presented a more mystical touch, featuring an amber glass vessel bursting with a shaggy yellow zinnia, a chartreuse pompom mum, and sprigs of mint, alongside a mercury glass votive. A full tarot deck was fanned open, prominently displaying the Ten of Cups, a card traditionally symbolizing emotional fulfillment, joyous family life, and complete happiness—a fitting omen for the unions celebrated. A framed note from the PGIB team expressed heartfelt thanks to guests for "showing up for these extraordinary marriers," encapsulating the spirit of community and unwavering support.
Reflecting on the whirlwind experience, Robin offered insights that transcend the unique aspects of their throuple wedding. They observed that the inherent chaos of a two-month wedding planning timeline is not far removed from the pressures faced by any couple organizing a small wedding. The broader, more profound lesson, however, resonated with the expansive nature of love itself: one can love more than one person, and still find themselves navigating the universal eccentricities of a wedding day, such as eating standing up in a break room at 3 PM.
Robin’s articulate exploration of their relationship’s terminology underscores the evolving language around polyamory and diverse family structures. They fluidly use "triad," "trio," and "throuple" to describe their unit, alongside terms like "spouse," "wife," "partner," "lover," and "beloved," further enriched by the multilingual "esposita y esposité." The playful "love triangle" is reserved for moments of wit. While acknowledging "polycule" as technically applicable, Robin reserves this term for a broader "constellation of platonic BFFs, mentors, lovers, comets, hook ups, and 20yo activists we temporarily adopt," highlighting the rich and interconnected web of relationships that define their lives.
This Brooklyn throuple wedding, facilitated by Pride Grows in Brooklyn, represents more than just a personal milestone; it is a cultural marker. It showcases the growing visibility and acceptance of polyamorous relationships within mainstream society, particularly within progressive urban centers. While multi-partner marriages may not yet have legal recognition in most jurisdictions, community celebrations like this one play a crucial role in normalizing and affirming these unions, challenging traditional definitions of family and commitment. It underscores the vital role of LGBTQ+ advocacy organizations in creating spaces for all forms of queer love to flourish and be celebrated. The narrative of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina, alongside Emilyn and Shellz, contributes to a broader dialogue about love, identity, and the expansive potential of human connection, shaping a future where diverse relationship structures are increasingly understood, respected, and celebrated.
