In a vibrant testament to evolving definitions of love and family, Robin (they/them), Voltaire (they/them), and Valentina (she/her) recently celebrated their union in a unique throuple wedding, made possible by the Brooklyn nonprofit Pride Grows in Brooklyn. Their ceremony, held at the picturesque Carroll Hall garden space, defied conventional expectations with circle seating, a symbolic broom jump, and a powerful reading from a 1977 queer utopian fable, "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions." The celebration, characterized by a dress code encouraging guests to be "as ostentatious as comfortable," marked a significant moment for polyamorous visibility within the broader LGBTQ+ community, demonstrating the nonprofit’s expansive commitment to diverse forms of queer love.
A Serendipitous Beginning and a Community-Backed Celebration
The relationship between Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina blossomed from separate connections forged on OkCupid, organically intertwining into a committed throuple. This modern love story took an unexpected turn when Pride Grows in Brooklyn (PGIB), a local organization dedicated to fostering community and celebrating queer identities, announced its annual free wedding giveaway. Typically offered to queer couples, the organization demonstrated its progressive vision by embracing the throuple’s application, ultimately selecting them as one of two couples to receive a fully sponsored wedding day. The other couple, Emilyn and Shellz, shared the venue and a joint reception, creating a collective atmosphere of joy and mutual support.
PGIB’s initiative underscores a growing movement within the LGBTQ+ community to acknowledge and celebrate non-monogamous relationships. While legal marriage for more than two individuals remains unrecognized in the United States, such ceremonies hold profound symbolic importance, affirming identities and building community. For Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina, the opportunity to formalize their commitment through such a public and celebratory event, supported by a dedicated nonprofit, was invaluable. "Val, Volt, and I got swamped to the smallest degree in vendor chats and meetings," Robin shared, reflecting on the compressed two-month planning window. "That small taste was PLENTY." This whirlwind preparation, however, was largely mitigated by PGIB’s extensive network and expertise, which handled the primary logistics, including securing the venue and coordinating vendors.
Crafting a Ceremony of Personal Significance
The wedding day unfolded at Carroll Hall, its garden setting providing an intimate backdrop for the dual celebrations. PGIB thoughtfully structured the event to include separate ceremonies for each pair of marriers, followed by a unified reception for all five individuals and their guests. This approach allowed both the throuple and Emilyn and Shellz to imbue their respective ceremonies with deeply personal touches, while still fostering a sense of shared festivity.
For Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina, their ceremony was a carefully curated expression of their unique bond and shared values. Guests were arranged in a loose circle, fostering an inclusive atmosphere where everyone felt connected to the central moment. The dress code, "as ostentatious as comfortable," encouraged individuality and self-expression, leading to a visually rich tapestry of attire among attendees and the wedding party. Voltaire, a testament to personal craftsmanship, meticulously sewed their own trousers and adorned themselves with a striking floral ring by Miriam Bloom Designs and a vibrant rainbow ribbon lei, symbolizing pride and connection to Hawaiian tradition. Robin, with the help of their sister, also hand-sewed their lilac-silver satin suit, an endeavor that proved both challenging and rewarding. Valentina graced the occasion in a floor-length black lace gown with sheer draping sleeves, matching gloves, and dramatic eye makeup, carrying a striking bouquet that defied floral norms with its upright red stems. These sartorial choices underscored the couple’s commitment to authenticity and self-expression, extending to their officiant, Angel, who wore a gender-bent formal look, and the entire vendor team, who embraced the day’s colorful aesthetic.
The processional itself was a poignant moment, with each member of the throuple entering separately, accompanied by loved ones. Robin walked with their sister, Voltaire with their mother, and Valentina with her sister and best friend. The visual narrative of their individual journeys converging at the altar reinforced the strength of their collective union.
A central element of their ceremony was the reading from Larry Mitchell’s "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions," illustrated by Ned Asta. This 1977 queer utopian fable, known for its radical vision of community and relationships beyond heteronormative constraints, provided a powerful textual foundation for their vows. It served not only as a nod to queer literary history but also as an affirmation of their own revolutionary love. Following the reading, the throuple exchanged heartfelt vows. Robin’s vows captured the essence of their dynamic: "You take me as I am and you challenge me to be a better person." To Voltaire, they expressed, "I met you when neither of us could or wanted to act as though our brains are calm. I’ve had the honor of caring for you and caring for cats with you. We watch water flow. We repair and transform with our hands." To Valentina, Robin pledged, "You changed my life by pointing your care at me, ensuring that I eat and that the house is clean. I want to build that solace with and for you." These vows articulated deep appreciation for each partner’s unique contributions to their shared life, emphasizing care, challenge, and co-creation. The ceremony concluded with a broom jump, a tradition often rooted in African American culture symbolizing new beginnings and the sweeping away of the past, brought by Voltaire’s mother. In lieu of a traditional kiss, the trio shared a tender nuzzle, a gesture reflecting their personal comfort and intimacy. Their exit to upbeat orchestral rock music underscored the joyous and celebratory nature of the occasion.
A Shared Reception: Music, Cakes, and Community
The joint reception for both sets of marriers fostered a lively atmosphere, curated by DJ Mona, who skillfully blended the diverse musical tastes of both couples, weaving together deep cuts and crowd-pleasers. The dance floor saw Emilyn and Shellz share a classic R&B ballad for their first dance, while Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina energized the space with "Freaks" by Haute and Freddy. Brief speeches from Voltaire and Emilyn expressed gratitude to PGIB, the venue, and their guests, acknowledging the collective effort that brought the day to fruition.
Catering for the event was light, featuring hors d’oeuvres, crudités, and primarily vegetarian options, accompanied by wine and canned beer. Robin humorously recalled a particularly good cheese and a salmon bagel bite. However, a recurring theme in wedding lore—the marriers often eat the least—proved true. Despite an early start for vendors and the wedding party, the first substantial food arrived around 3 PM, a small plate of vegetables and alcohol. Robin, having anticipated this, had a heavy breakfast, a win compared to their parents’ wedding day where the first food was pimento cheese sandwiches in a car trunk post-reception.
The highlight of the culinary offerings was undoubtedly the cakes – four of them. Emilyn and Shellz enjoyed a lemon with blackberry cake, while the throuple celebrated with chocolate and raspberry. As an unexpected bonus, the cake vendor provided two additional seven-layer cookie cakes: one adorned in rainbow icing and the other in the colors of the trans flag. These additional cakes served as a delightful, spontaneous affirmation of queer identities and a sweet gesture of support from the vendor team.
Thoughtful Touches and Lasting Impressions
Beyond the main events, thoughtful details elevated the guest experience. Tables featured a custom crossword puzzle created by PGIB, printed on a rainbow gradient board. The puzzle’s clues centered around the couples’ origin stories, with answers like "OKCUPID," "TWENTYTWENTY," "TRIAD," "BROOKLYN," "COMMUNITY," and "PRIDEGROWS," engaging guests in a fun, interactive celebration of their journey. Alongside this, a sprawl of pronoun and pride pin-back buttons was offered for guests to take, promoting inclusivity and self-identification. A bud vase with a single calla lily and a stack of colored note cards clipped to a line for well-wishes completed the table setting, inviting personal expressions of love and support.
Another table displayed an amber glass vessel holding a shaggy yellow zinnia, a chartreuse pompom mum, and sprigs of mint, next to a mercury glass votive. A full tarot deck fanned open, prominently featuring the Ten of Cups face up, a card symbolizing emotional fulfillment, harmony, and joy in relationships and family, provided a mystical touch. A framed note from the PGIB team thanked guests for supporting "these extraordinary marriers," encapsulating the spirit of the day.
The event’s seamless flow was significantly aided by photographer Bailey Q, who went beyond traditional photography duties. She collected small objects for a flat lay while the wedding party rested, efficiently managed group photos, and even led an hour of intermediate yoga for the two couples during their venue walkthrough, creating a relaxed and positive introduction to both her and the space. Her eye also captured stunning portraits of the throuple against a backdrop of layered graffiti and a rolled steel security gate in a nearby alley, blending urban grit with romantic intimacy.
Reflections on Love Beyond Convention
Robin reflected on the intensity of planning a wedding with only two months’ notice, noting that the pressure of a small wedding can be universally chaotic, regardless of the number of people involved. However, the deeper lesson for Robin was the powerful realization that "you can love more than one person at once and still end up eating standing up in a break room at 3pm because that’s just what wedding days do to everyone, regardless of how many people are at the altar." This humorous observation subtly underscored a profound truth: while the structure of their relationship may be unconventional, the experience of a wedding day, with its joys, stresses, and communal celebration, transcends relational configurations.
When asked to describe their unit, Robin offered a rich vocabulary: "We three go by triad, trio, throuple… spouse, wife, partner, lover, beloved, and then we get multilingual with esposita y esposité. Love triangle if I’m feeling witty." They also clarified their understanding of "polycule," reserving it for a broader "constellation of platonic BFFs, mentors, lovers, comets, hook ups, and 20yo activists we temporarily adopt." This nuanced articulation of their relationship highlights the evolving language and understanding required to embrace and define non-monogamous identities.
This Brooklyn throuple wedding, supported by Pride Grows in Brooklyn, stands as a beacon of modern love and inclusivity. It not only celebrated the unique bond between Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina but also amplified the conversation around polyamory, demonstrating that love, commitment, and community can thrive in myriad forms, challenging traditional narratives and paving the way for broader acceptance within society. It is a powerful reminder that love, in all its diverse expressions, deserves to be recognized, celebrated, and affirmed.
Vendors:
- Photography: Baileyqphoto.com
- Floral Ring: Miriam Bloom Designs
- Nonprofit: Pride Grows in Brooklyn
- Venue: Carroll Hall
- Officiant: Angel
- DJ: Mona
Special contributors:
- Robin’s sister
- Voltaire’s mother
- Valentina’s sister
- Valentina’s best friend
