In a vibrant demonstration of diverse love and community spirit, Robin (they/them), Voltaire (they/them), and Valentina (she/her) exchanged vows in a unique throuple wedding in Brooklyn, made possible by the non-profit organization Pride Grows in Brooklyn. This event not only celebrated their individual commitment but also served as a powerful testament to the evolving landscape of love and partnership in contemporary society. Their journey began on OkCupid, where what started as two separate courtships for Robin with Voltaire and Valentina, respectively, organically blossomed into a single, deeply intertwined relationship. When Pride Grows in Brooklyn announced its annual free wedding giveaway, the trio seized the opportunity, applying and ultimately winning the chance to formalize their bond in a ceremony that was as unconventional as it was heartfelt. The result was a day brimming with queer joy, culminating in three individuals now proudly referring to each other as spouse, esposita, esposité, and, as Robin wittily puts it, "love triangle."
The Genesis of a Throuple: A Modern Love Story
The story of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina began in the digital sphere, a common starting point for many modern relationships. All three connected on OkCupid, a platform known for its inclusive approach to dating and relationships. Robin’s initial interactions with Voltaire and Valentina unfolded independently, each developing into distinct courtships. However, the unique chemistry and deep connections shared among all three soon became undeniable, leading to the natural and deliberate merging of these two separate paths into a unified throuple. This organic evolution from individual connections to a collective partnership highlights the fluid and diverse nature of contemporary relationships, challenging traditional binaries and embracing a broader spectrum of emotional and romantic bonds. Their decision to pursue marriage as a throuple underscores a commitment to formalizing their unique family structure, seeking societal recognition and personal affirmation for their love.
Pride Grows in Brooklyn: A Beacon for Queer Celebrations
The opportunity for Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina to celebrate their union publicly came through Pride Grows in Brooklyn (PGIB), a local non-profit dedicated to fostering queer community and supporting LGBTQ+ individuals. Each summer, PGIB hosts an annual free wedding giveaway, a remarkable initiative designed to alleviate the financial burdens of wedding planning for queer couples and, in this pioneering instance, throuples. This program is more than just a giveaway; it’s a foundational pillar of PGIB’s mission to promote visibility, acceptance, and celebration within the queer community. By offering a fully sponsored wedding, PGIB removes significant barriers, allowing couples to focus solely on the joy and commitment of their special day. The selection of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina, alongside another couple, Emilyn and Shellz, for this year’s event speaks volumes about PGIB’s progressive stance and its commitment to recognizing all forms of loving partnerships within the LGBTQ+ spectrum. The organization’s dedication to inclusivity is crucial in a metropolitan area like Brooklyn, which prides itself on its diversity and openness.
A Compressed Timeline: Two Months to Nuptials
Upon learning of their win, Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina were faced with the exhilarating yet daunting task of planning a wedding in just two months. This expedited timeline, while a challenge, also injected a unique energy into the preparation process. Robin candidly shared their experience: "Val, Volt, and I got swamped to the smallest degree in vendor chats and meetings, and that small taste was PLENTY." This sentiment resonates with many couples who navigate the complexities of wedding planning, but it was amplified by the condensed schedule. Fortunately, Pride Grows in Brooklyn played a pivotal role in streamlining the process. They had already secured Carroll Hall’s picturesque garden space as the venue and facilitated connections with a network of queer-affirming vendors. This support system was instrumental in turning what could have been a chaotic endeavor into a manageable and joyous experience, allowing the throuple to focus on personalizing their ceremony within the broader framework provided by the non-profit. The event was ingeniously structured, featuring separate, intimate ceremonies for each couple (or throuple) followed by a grand, joint reception, fostering a communal celebration of love.
Fashioning Identity: Attire and Personal Aesthetics
The wedding attire for Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina was a profound expression of their individual styles and collective identity, adhering to a dress code Robin described as "as ostentatious as comfortable." This liberating directive allowed each partner to embody their authentic selves.
Voltaire showcased exceptional personal craftsmanship, having meticulously sewn their own trousers for the occasion. Their ensemble was further elevated by a phenomenal floral ring from Miriam Bloom Designs, an intricate piece that blended natural beauty with artistic flair. A vibrant rainbow ribbon lei, a traditional Hawaiian garland made from fragrant leaves and fresh orchids, adorned Voltaire’s neck. This choice, explained by Robin’s best friend’s Hawaiian upbringing, added a layer of cultural significance and a touch of the exotic to their look.
Robin, with the help of their sister, embarked on the ambitious project of hand-sewing their suit. This labor of love, a testament to their dedication and personal touch, comprised a pale lilac-silver satin top and matching wide-leg trousers. Robin, a seasoned sewer, noted the challenge: "I’ve sewn for almost 20 years but never an original garment, much less two, for a formal event." The suit, despite a battle during the event that necessitated a backup outfit for the reception, made a memorable statement. Robin also wore a fragrant lei, mirroring Voltaire’s, symbolizing shared connection and cultural appreciation. A flower crown delicately threaded through Robin’s short hair and a wooden cane completed their distinctive, elegant ensemble.
Valentina presented a striking vision in a floor-length black lace gown, featuring sheer draping sleeves and matching lace gloves that exuded gothic romance and sophistication. Her dramatic eye makeup further intensified her captivating look. Her bouquet was a masterpiece of unconventional beauty: pale pink and white florals punctuated by bold red stems, described by the original article as "like an exclamation point nobody asked for and everybody appreciated." This artistic choice perfectly encapsulated the throuple’s embrace of unique aesthetics and their rejection of traditional norms. Together, their outfits painted a vivid picture of individuality harmonized within a collective celebration.
A Ceremony Redefined: Inclusivity and Symbolic Gestures
The ceremony itself was a deliberate departure from conventional wedding structures, meticulously designed to reflect the throuple’s values of community, inclusivity, and personal expression. With a small guest list, intimate enough to manage travel arrangements for a select few, the gathering maintained a close-knit feel. In a thoughtful gesture reflective of contemporary health consciousness, all guests and vendors underwent COVID-19 testing on the morning of the wedding, ensuring a safe environment for celebration.
Instead of traditional rows, guests were seated in a loose circle, a configuration chosen to foster an atmosphere of egalitarianism and mutual visibility. This arrangement symbolized the interconnectedness of their community and allowed everyone present to feel intimately involved in the union. The officiant, Angel, further contributed to the inclusive aesthetic, sporting a "gender-bent formal look," while the entire vendor team embraced a vibrant palette, adding to the day’s colorful and celebratory ambiance.
The processional was a deeply personal affair, with each member of the triad making a distinct entrance. Robin was escorted by their sister, Voltaire by their mother, and Valentina by her sister and best friend. This layered entrance underscored the importance of individual family and chosen family connections within their collective union. Voltaire’s walk was particularly striking, veiled in sheer black lace and adorned with a heavy drape of cowrie shells layered over rainbow beaded strands, worn against a cream brocade suit – a powerful blend of tradition, personal style, and cultural symbolism.
A profound moment during the ceremony was the reading from "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions," a 1977 queer utopian fable by Larry Mitchell, illustrated by Ned Asta. This choice of text, known for its radical vision of queer community and liberation, provided a powerful intellectual and emotional foundation for their vows, grounding their union in a rich history of queer thought and activism. The vows themselves were heartfelt and deeply personal. Robin’s vows, in part, articulated a profound appreciation for their partners: "You take me as I am and you challenge me to be a better person." To Voltaire, Robin expressed: "I met you when neither of us could or wanted to act as though our brains are calm. I’ve had the honor of caring for you and caring for cats with you. We watch water flow. We repair and transform with our hands." To Valentina, Robin pledged: "You changed my life by pointing your care at me, ensuring that I eat and that the house is clean. I want to build that solace with and for you." These vows eloquently captured the unique dynamics and deep appreciation within their throuple.
Following the exchange of vows, the triad engaged in the symbolic act of jumping a broom, a tradition brought by Voltaire’s mother. This practice, historically significant in African-American culture, symbolizes sweeping away the past and embarking on a new beginning together. In lieu of a kiss, the throuple shared an intimate nuzzle, a gesture that was uniquely theirs, reinforcing the personal nature of their commitments. Their exit to upbeat orchestral rock provided a joyous and energetic conclusion to the deeply meaningful ceremony.
Celebration of Community: The Joint Reception
The reception was a vibrant extension of the ceremony’s communal spirit, a joint celebration shared with Emilyn and Shellz, the second couple married that day. DJ Mona expertly crafted a musical journey, seamlessly braiding together the diverse tastes of both couples. Robin lauded Mona’s skill, noting, "Mona combined our three music tastes with that of the other marriers for an eclectic yet masterful mix. I applaud the DJ." This curated soundtrack ensured that every guest felt connected to the joyous atmosphere.
The first dances offered a delightful contrast. Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina swayed to the infectious beat of "Freaks" by Haute and Freddy, a choice that exuded playful individuality. Emilyn and Shellz, by contrast, opted for a classic R&B ballad, a nod to timeless romance. Brief, heartfelt speeches by Voltaire and Emilyn thanked Pride Grows in Brooklyn, the venue, and their cherished guests, setting a tone of gratitude before the festivities truly commenced.
Catering for the evening was intentionally light, featuring an array of hors d’oeuvres, crudités, and primarily vegetarian options, accompanied by a bar serving wine and canned beer. Robin fondly recalled a standout salmon bagel bite and an especially good cheese, underscoring the quality despite the lighter fare. However, the true showstopper of the reception was the dessert. What began as two planned cakes—lemon with blackberry for Emilyn and Shellz, and chocolate with raspberry for the throuple—unexpectedly multiplied. The thoughtful cake vendor spontaneously added two more seven-layer cookie cakes: one exquisitely iced in rainbow colors, and the other adorned in the colors of the trans flag. These surprise additions were not merely extra treats; they were powerful, unplanned affirmations of queer identity and joy, resonating deeply with the spirit of the event.
Robin’s parents had humorously forewarned them that a wedding day often means the most fun and the least food consumed, a prediction that proved true. Despite vendors requesting their presence by 9 AM, and a packed schedule of ceremony and group photos, the wedding party didn’t have a chance to properly eat until around 3 PM, when catering finally offered alcohol and a small plate of vegetables. Robin, having enjoyed a hearty breakfast, considered it a significant improvement over their parents’ own wedding day, where the first sustenance after the reception was pimento cheese sandwiches from a car trunk. This relatable anecdote highlights the universal, sometimes chaotic, nature of wedding days, regardless of the relationship structure being celebrated.
Beyond the Lens: The Photographer’s Art and Guest Engagement
Photographer Bailey Q was an indispensable force throughout the day, ensuring every moment was captured while maintaining a seamless flow. Her multifaceted contributions extended beyond typical photography duties. She skillfully collected small objects for elegant flat lays during the wedding party’s brief rests, efficiently managed the group photos with a tight deadline, and creatively utilized a nearby alley for striking portraits against a backdrop of layered graffiti and a rolled steel security gate. In a truly unique pre-wedding touch, Bailey Q even led an hour of intermediate yoga for both couples during their venue walkthrough. Robin noted, "That was a lovely introduction to both her and the space," showcasing Bailey Q’s holistic approach to client engagement and her ability to foster comfort and connection.
The guest tables were thoughtfully adorned with elements designed to engage and delight. One table featured a custom crossword puzzle, ingeniously crafted by Pride Grows in Brooklyn. Printed on a vibrant rainbow gradient board, it invited guests to fill in answers with a hot pink marker. The clues and answers spanned the couples’ origin stories and shared values, including "OKCUPID," "TWENTYTWENTY," "TRIAD," "BROOKLYN," "COMMUNITY," and "PRIDEGROWS," making it an interactive and personalized tribute. Adjacent to the crossword, a sprawl of loose pronoun and pride pinback buttons was freely available for guests to take, serving as a tangible symbol of inclusivity and affirmation. A bud vase with a single calla lily and a stack of colored note cards clipped to a line for well-wishes completed the inviting setup.
Another table offered a more mystical touch, featuring an amber glass vessel holding a shaggy yellow zinnia, a chartreuse pompom mum, and sprigs of mint, beside a mercury glass votive. Central to this display was a full tarot deck, fanned open with the Ten of Cups turned face up. This card, symbolizing emotional fulfillment, deep joy, and harmonious family life, was a perfectly chosen emblem for the day’s celebrations. A framed note from the PGIB team beside it warmly thanked guests for their presence, celebrating "these extraordinary marriers," further emphasizing the profound significance of the unions.
Reflections and the Broader Spectrum of Love
Robin’s reflections on the experience offered a poignant insight into the nature of commitment, regardless of its form. Winning a wedding on a two-month timeline, while unconventional, ultimately echoed the universal pressures of planning any small wedding. The profound takeaway, however, was far more personal and expansive: "You can love more than one person at once and still end up eating standing up in a break room at 3pm because that’s just what wedding days do to everyone, regardless of how many people are at the altar." This sentiment beautifully normalizes their polyamorous relationship within the common, often chaotic, experience of wedding days, affirming that the core challenges and joys are shared across all marital structures.
When asked to describe their unit, Robin embraced a rich lexicon, highlighting the fluidity and diversity of their bond. "We three go by triad, trio, throuple… spouse, wife, partner, lover, beloved, and then we get multilingual with esposita y esposité. Love triangle if I’m feeling witty." Robin further clarified the term "polycule," reserving it for a broader "total constellation of platonic BFFs, mentors, lovers, comets, hook ups, and 20yo activists we temporarily adopt." This detailed explanation not only educates but also celebrates the nuanced vocabulary emerging from non-monogamous communities, providing valuable insight into how individuals define their intricate networks of relationships.
Implications: A Milestone for Queer Visibility and Polyamory
The wedding of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina transcends a personal celebration; it stands as a significant cultural and social event, particularly within the LGBTQ+ community and for the broader understanding of polyamory. In a city renowned for its progressive values like Brooklyn, such a public and joyous affirmation of a throuple’s commitment pushes boundaries and expands the dialogue around what constitutes a family and a valid loving partnership.
This event contributes significantly to the visibility of polyamorous relationships, which, despite their growing prevalence, often remain marginalized or misunderstood in mainstream discourse. By openly celebrating their union, Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina provide a powerful example of authentic love and commitment that defies traditional heteronormative and monogamous expectations. Their wedding, supported by an established non-profit like Pride Grows in Brooklyn, lends legitimacy and mainstream exposure to relationship structures that are still fighting for broader acceptance and legal recognition.
Furthermore, the inclusive nature of the ceremony—from the circle seating to the reading from a queer utopian fable, and the symbolic broom jump—reaffirms the queer community’s tradition of redefining rituals to suit their identities and histories. It demonstrates that love and marriage are adaptable concepts, capable of embracing a multitude of forms, each as valid and meaningful as the next.
The role of Pride Grows in Brooklyn in facilitating this wedding cannot be overstated. By actively including a throuple in their annual giveaway, PGIB not only champions diversity within the LGBTQ+ spectrum but also sets a precedent for other organizations to consider broader definitions of "queer couples" in their support initiatives. This forward-thinking approach is crucial for fostering an even more inclusive queer community that truly represents all its members.
In conclusion, the union of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina is more than just a beautiful wedding; it is a cultural touchstone. It underscores the ongoing evolution of societal norms around love and partnership, highlights the vital role of community organizations in supporting diverse forms of queer love, and provides a beacon of hope and visibility for polyamorous individuals seeking recognition and celebration of their own authentic relationships. This Brooklyn wedding is a testament to love’s boundless capacity and the enduring power of community to embrace it in all its glorious forms.
