In a vibrant celebration of expansive love and community support, Robin (they/them), Voltaire (they/them), and Valentina (she/her) exchanged vows in a unique throuple wedding hosted by the Brooklyn nonprofit Pride Grows in Brooklyn (PGIB). The event, which included a shared reception with another queer couple, Emilyn and Shellz, underscored a growing movement towards inclusivity and diverse expressions of commitment within the LGBTQ+ community and beyond. Organized with just two months’ notice, the ceremony blended deeply personal touches, cultural traditions, and a spirit of joyful rebellion, reflecting the modern landscape of relationships in urban centers like Brooklyn.
Pride Grows in Brooklyn: A Beacon of Inclusive Love
Pride Grows in Brooklyn (PGIB) has established itself as a vital organization within New York City’s queer landscape, dedicated to fostering community and supporting LGBTQ+ individuals. Annually, the nonprofit champions queer love by offering a free wedding giveaway, a significant initiative that alleviates the often-prohibitive financial burden of wedding planning. This year, their generosity extended to not one, but two couples, facilitating a dual celebration that highlighted varying forms of queer relationships. The selection of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina, a throuple, marked a particularly progressive step, publicly affirming polyamorous relationships within the broader spectrum of queer identities celebrated by the organization. Such initiatives are crucial in a society where same-sex marriage has only recently been legalized nationwide, and where recognition for non-monogamous relationships is still nascent. These events not only provide a dream wedding for the recipients but also serve as powerful public declarations of love’s multifaceted nature, challenging traditional norms and fostering greater acceptance.
From Online Connections to a Unified Vow
The journey of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina began on OkCupid, a platform known for its inclusive approach to dating and relationships. Their connection blossomed from two separate courtships — Robin with Voltaire, and Robin with Valentina — which organically converged into a single, cohesive triad relationship. This evolution from individual connections to a collective partnership exemplifies the fluid and often unexpected pathways of modern love. When PGIB announced its annual free wedding giveaway, the throuple saw an unprecedented opportunity to formalize their commitment in a public and celebrated manner. Their application was successful, granting them the chance to marry at Carroll Hall’s picturesque garden space. While the free wedding alleviated many logistical concerns, the compressed two-month timeline between notification and the event presented its own set of challenges, requiring rapid coordination with vendors and PGIB staff. Robin recounted the experience as "a small taste [of vendor chats and meetings] that was PLENTY," acknowledging the intensity of planning, even with significant support.
A Ceremony Rooted in Authenticity and Queer History
The wedding ceremony, held in the lush garden of Carroll Hall, was meticulously designed to reflect the triad’s unique identities and values. Departing from conventional seating arrangements, guests gathered in a loose circle, symbolizing the inclusive and interconnected nature of their community and ensuring everyone felt part of the intimate proceedings. This arrangement perfectly complemented the unconventional dress code: "as ostentatious as comfortable," a directive Robin explained was meant to empower guests, particularly Voltaire, to embrace their "Haute Halloween dreams" and ensure maximum comfort and self-expression.
The attire of the marrying throuple was a testament to personal craftsmanship and cultural homage. Voltaire, showcasing their sartorial skills, had sewn their own trousers and adorned themselves with a striking floral ring by Miriam Bloom Designs, along with a lei of rainbow ribbon, a vibrant symbol of queer pride. Robin, with the help of their sister, hand-sewed their own lilac-silver satin suit, which featured a top and wide-leg trousers, complemented by a flower crown woven into their short hair. They also wore a lei of fragrant leaves and fresh orchids, a tradition shared by a friend from Hawai’i, adding a touch of personal history and connection. Valentina completed the triad’s distinct aesthetic in a floor-length black lace gown with sheer draping sleeves and matching gloves, her look accentuated by dramatic eye makeup and a unique bouquet featuring red stems that dramatically punctuated the pale pink and white florals.
The processional itself defied tradition, with each member of the triad entering separately, accompanied by loved ones. Robin walked with their sister, Voltaire with their mother, and Valentina with her sister and best friend, underscoring the individual relationships and family bonds that contributed to their collective union. The officiant, Angel, contributed to the day’s inclusive spirit with a gender-bent formal look, further demonstrating the event’s commitment to diverse expression.
A poignant moment in the ceremony was the reading from "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions," a 1977 queer utopian fable by Larry Mitchell and Ned Asta. This selection was not merely a literary choice but a profound statement, grounding their modern union in a rich history of queer resistance, imagination, and community-building, connecting their personal commitment to a broader lineage of radical love and alternative futures. Following this, the triad exchanged heartfelt vows. Robin’s vows captured the essence of their individual relationships: acknowledging Voltaire’s steady presence through life’s turbulences, their shared acts of care for each other and their cats, and their collaborative spirit in creation and transformation. To Valentina, Robin expressed gratitude for her nurturing care, her efforts to ensure their well-being, and their shared desire to build a sanctuary of solace together. The ceremony concluded with a symbolic broom jump, a tradition often associated with African American weddings, brought by Voltaire’s mother, signifying a leap into a new life together. Instead of a traditional kiss, the throuple opted for a tender nuzzle, a gesture that perfectly encapsulated their unique intimacy and comfort. They exited the ceremony space to the uplifting sounds of orchestral rock, carrying the energy of their personalized vows and symbolic acts into the next phase of their celebration.
A Unified Reception: Diverse Tastes, Unexpected Delights
The shared reception was a vibrant continuation of the day’s inclusive spirit, bringing together the guests of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina with those of Emilyn and Shellz. DJ Mona curated an eclectic musical journey, skillfully weaving together the distinct tastes of both couples, demonstrating a keen ability to "read the room" and create a universally appealing atmosphere. Robin specifically praised Mona’s "masterful mix" of deep cuts and crowd-pleasers. The celebration kicked off with the couples’ first dances, each choosing music that resonated deeply with their individual relationships: Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina danced to "Freaks" by Haute and Freddy, a song that embraced their unconventional dynamic, while Emilyn and Shellz chose a classic R&B ballad, showcasing their unique romantic narrative. Brief, heartfelt speeches from Voltaire and Emilyn thanked PGIB, the venue, and their cherished guests for their support and presence.
The culinary offerings, while described as "light" with hors d’oeuvres and crudités, were thoughtfully curated, primarily vegetarian, and complemented by a bar stocked with wine and canned beer. Robin fondly recalled a salmon bagel bite and a particularly good cheese, highlighting the quality over quantity approach. However, the true highlight of the dessert spread was the unexpected abundance of cakes. While Emilyn and Shellz enjoyed a lemon with blackberry cake, and the throuple savored a chocolate with raspberry, the generous cake vendor surprised everyone with two additional seven-layer cookie cakes – one adorned with rainbow icing and the other in the colors of the trans flag. This spontaneous gesture of support and celebration further amplified the joy and inclusivity of the event.
The practicalities of a wedding day, regardless of its unique elements, often involve logistical challenges. Robin recalled their parents’ humorous warning that a wedding day is often "the most fun and the least food you’ll eat in one sitting." This proved true, as vendors required the wedding party on location by 9 am, and between the ceremony and group photos, a proper meal wasn’t enjoyed until around 3 pm when catering provided alcohol and a small plate of vegetables. Robin, having anticipated this, had eaten a substantial breakfast, counting it as a win compared to their parents’ own wedding day experience, where their first post-reception sustenance was pimento cheese sandwiches from a car trunk.
Thoughtful Touches and Professional Artistry
Beyond the main events, the reception space was dotted with engaging and meaningful details designed to foster interaction and reflection among guests. One table featured a custom crossword puzzle, crafted by PGIB specifically for the two marrying couples. Printed on a vibrant rainbow gradient board, it invited guests to fill in answers related to the couples’ origin stories, with clues like OKCUPID, TWENTYTWENTY, TRIAD, BROOKLYN, COMMUNITY, and PRIDEGROWS. This interactive element served as both entertainment and a narrative tool, sharing the couples’ journey with their community. Adjacent to the crossword, a collection of loose pronoun and pride pinback buttons was freely available for guests, promoting inclusivity and self-identification. A delicate bud vase held a single calla lily, and a stack of colored note cards clipped to a line invited well-wishes and messages of love.
Another table offered a more contemplative experience, adorned with an amber glass vessel holding a shaggy yellow zinnia, a chartreuse pompom mum, and sprigs of mint, beside a mercury glass votive. A full tarot deck was fanned open, prominently displaying the Ten of Cups, a card symbolizing emotional fulfillment, spiritual harmony, and perfect happiness – a powerful omen for the unions celebrated. A framed note from the PGIB team beside it expressed heartfelt gratitude to the guests for "showing up for these extraordinary marriers," reinforcing the collective support for diverse love.
The day’s narrative was expertly captured by photographer Bailey Q, whose approach extended far beyond traditional wedding photography. Bailey Q’s multifaceted role included collecting small objects for a flat lay while the wedding party rested, efficiently managing group photos under tight deadlines, and orchestrating a striking set of portraits in a nearby alley against a backdrop of layered graffiti and a rolled steel security gate. Uniquely, Bailey Q also led an hour of intermediate yoga for both couples during their venue walkthrough, a testament to her holistic and thoughtful engagement with her clients. Robin lauded this as "a lovely introduction to both her and the space," highlighting the value of a vendor who invests in the well-being and comfort of the couples.
Beyond the Nuptials: Broader Implications and Reflections
The wedding of Robin, Voltaire, and Valentina represents more than just a personal milestone; it stands as a significant event within the ongoing discourse on relationship diversity and LGBTQ+ visibility. In a society that has historically privileged monogamous, heterosexual unions, this throuple wedding, publicly supported by a respected nonprofit, sends a powerful message about the legitimacy and beauty of polyamorous relationships. It highlights the evolving understanding of family and partnership, challenging restrictive definitions and advocating for a more expansive view of love. Such events contribute to destigmatizing non-monogamous structures, fostering a more accepting environment for individuals in similar relationships. The intentional inclusion of specific cultural and queer historical elements, from the broom jump to the reading of "The Faggots and Their Friends Between Revolutions," further grounds the event in a rich tapestry of marginalized traditions and intellectual thought, asserting their place within a broader cultural narrative.
Robin’s reflections on the experience offer a valuable insight into the universalities and specificities of a non-traditional wedding. While the two-month planning window for a free wedding is unconventional, Robin noted that the inherent "chaos" and logistical pressures of a wedding day are surprisingly consistent, regardless of the number of people at the altar or the relationship structure. This observation underscores a profound truth: the emotional and organizational demands of celebrating commitment are shared human experiences.
When asked how they describe their unit, Robin embraced a fluid vocabulary, using terms like "triad," "trio," and "throuple." They also adopted a range of relational titles such as "spouse," "wife," "partner," "lover," and "beloved," extending to "esposita y espositê" in a multilingual nod. Robin playfully added "love triangle" for moments of wit. While acknowledging "polycule" as technically accurate, Robin reserved that term for a broader "constellation of platonic BFFs, mentors, lovers, comets, hook ups, and 20yo activists we temporarily adopt," illustrating the intricate web of connections that can define a person’s chosen family. This nuanced articulation of relationship terminology itself contributes to a richer public understanding of diverse relational structures, moving beyond simplistic labels.
The Brooklyn throuple’s wedding, therefore, transcends a mere personal celebration. It is a beacon of progress, demonstrating the increasing acceptance and visibility of diverse love stories. It champions the invaluable role of organizations like Pride Grows in Brooklyn in nurturing inclusive spaces and affirms that love, in all its expansive forms, deserves to be celebrated with joy, authenticity, and community support. As the societal conversation around relationships continues to evolve, events like this wedding serve as powerful reminders that commitment can be as varied and vibrant as the individuals who share it.
